When one spouse is unfaithful, the entire marriage is thrown into turmoil. The betrayed spouse often feels like they can never trust their partner again, and the relationship may be irreparably damaged. If you are struggling after an affair, don’t despair. There is hope for your marriage! In this blog post, we will discuss improving marriage after infidelity. We will provide tips and advice on rebuilding trust and moving forward in your relationship.
#1. Reflect on How You Are Feeling After the Act
This is a crucial step in rebuilding trust. At some point, you have to admit that there is a problem in your relationship. Many people try to block out the fact that they have been betrayed by avoiding it.
Instead of confronting the issue, many spouses push this issue away and bury their heads in the sand, hoping that nothing happened. They could be right because if they did not feel anything after the betrayal, then there is no reason why they should feel guilty or ashamed when they think about it. However, if you do a deal with yourself where you leave “spouse duty” off your to-do list for two weeks, you will lose all motivation to take care of your marital responsibilities.
It is difficult to be emotional when numb and don’t feel anything. How can you rebuild trust when the person you married has betrayed you?
#2. Stop Cheating
When one spouse has an affair, the responsibility falls upon them to fix their mistake. If you have ever committed adultery, there are two important steps that you can take to start rebuilding trust. The first of these is to stop cheating immediately.
If you are already cheating on your spouse or are considering it, STOP! This will show your partner that this is a serious issue for you and that you believe it is important to improve marriage after infidelity.
If they want to rebuild trust, they must do everything in their power not to cheat again. For some people, this may include ending the relationship with their lover or ending all other extra-marital relationships altogether. It is important to do whatever it takes to keep from cheating again. This can be a very difficult thing to do, especially if you have a history of cheating.
You will want to call your lover when you need or want something or share personal thoughts or feelings with them. Trusting your spouse again will not be easy, but it is the only way for both spouses to rebuild trust in their marriage.
#3. Accept Responsibility
Many spouses take responsibility for the affair and blame themselves. They feel that their relationship is over, that they have lost their spouse, or are in denial. This can lead to a mini-breakdown or even an emotional breakdown.
In addition, it is important to realize that the other spouse may be suffering as well. They might feel jealous, angry, insecure, and so on. The hurt they are feeling is real and valid. If you try to shift this onto your partner, you will end up with a very mistrustful and angry spouse who will not want any contact with you.
One of the best ways to rebuild trust after an affair is to accept all of these negative emotions that your spouse is experiencing. Helping this person through their depression and pain will be one of your most important contributions to your relationship.
#4. Make a Decision
If you are in a committed relationship, you made a decision to marry your spouse. They are not perfect and never will be, but they are the person you choose to spend your life with. You should not give up on them or your marriage after an affair.
Work on rebuilding trust by deciding that your marriage is worth saving and that you care enough about this person to do whatever it takes to make things better between you. Trust is one of the most important aspects of a successful relationship, and without it, your marriage will not last for very long. If you decide that you want to rebuild trust to improve marriage after infidelity, then both of you double down on working toward this goal together.
#5. Be Honest
This may sound like a no-brainer, but in our society, we tend to “hide in the shadows” with our emotions. We don’t want to be judged or talked about or have anyone think bad things about us. It is difficult to open up and ask for help when you feel embarrassed or ashamed, but it is incredibly important that you do.
The first step in rebuilding trust is admitting that there was an issue and that this problem has affected your relationship. This is a sign of weakness on your part, and it will not go unnoticed by others. However, if you are willing to re-open this wound, it will start the healing process and make an enormous impact on your marriage after infidelity.
#6. Keep Your Promises
When you first married your spouse, you promised to love and cherish them for the rest of your life. If you promise to fulfill that promise, you need to keep it. You may want to be wooed back by words such as “I miss you” and “I want us to be together again,” but this is a sign of weakness.
Once they do not receive their way, they get angry and start acting out again. Instead of getting others on your side, focus on getting your spouse back by making good decisions that will make a difference in building trust in the marriage again.
#7. Be Open and Patient
If your spouse has betrayed you, it will take some time for them to feel secure enough in the marriage again to be willing to open up and work on rebuilding trust. You can help them in this process by being patient and open-minded about the situation. You should not expect marriage after betrayal to be easy, and it is okay if it is difficult.
The important thing is that you keep the communication going between both of you so that each knows what is happening in their relationship. If there are no conversations or exchanges between both of you, then there can be no communication, which means that both spouses will lose out on a lot of communication with each other.
The best way to communicate with your spouse is through open and honest conversations. These can be hard for both of you at first, but once the erosion of trust occurs, these are some of the easiest conversations to have. Open communication is a real problem when one person has a history of infidelity, and this is what causes a lot of the problems that occur in marriages after infidelity.
Both spouses need to remember that they may say something wrong or not be completely honest that could affect the marriage again, but they need to keep talking to know what is going on in their relationship.
#9. Give Your Partner Some Space
You may notice when one of you has an affair that they start to realize that they have been hurt, and they want to get away from the pain. For example, they may think that if they leave the relationship, it will make them feel better, or if they stay, it will be a constant reminder of what has happened. This is not good for you or your spouse and could lead to another affair down the road.
The best thing for both of you is to give each other some space so that you can have time to think about things without the guilt or pressure from your spouse.
#10. Spend Time Together With Your Spouse
Spending time together with your spouse is a great way to rebuild trust. Sitting down and having a conversation as an entire couple is an incredible way to rebuild trust in your marriage. This is especially important if you are trying to get a history of affairs out of your relationship to start fresh.
If you can both focus on the past, you will not be able to move forward, which might cause another affair down the road. Instead, focus on the future and how exciting it will be once things are back on track for the two of you.
#11. Get Professional Help
If you feel that your spouse is not open to more communication with you and they want to close off the relationship, this is a sign that they do not trust you. Some couples may opt to work through this problem independently, but many professionals can help couples who want to rebuild trust in the marriage. One of the best things you can do for your marriage after infidelity is to turn to professional counseling services so that they can discover how your relationship is working.
With counseling services, you will work through any issues that came up during the affair and learn how this has affected your marriage.
#12. Be Willing to Forgive
This may sound easy, but it can be extremely difficult for a spouse to forgive their unfaithful partner. As a result, your spouse may not want to work on rebuilding trust with you at all. If this is the case, you will need to forgive them and begin living in the present again. Your past relationship and hurt feelings are not the norms for happy marriages after infidelity.
Instead, focus on what is happening now and that both of you are moving forward together in this new life that has been given to you. This is one of the toughest steps in rebuilding trust, but it will also make an enormous difference in terms of your marriage after infidelity.
#13. Be Selective of Who You Talk to
Before you began to rebuild your trust in your marriage after infidelity, you should have realized a problem in the relationship. If this is the case, then you can use these steps to help you discover where that problem came from and what it could mean for your future. If you have not yet used these steps to determine why your marriage failed after infidelity, then it is time for a reality check.
Reconnecting with old friends and bringing them into the mix will only cause more problems down the road, so be careful about who you talk to about what happened before so that it does not happen again.
#14. Do Not Allow Yourself to Fall Back Into Old Patterns
Whether these old patterns were good or bad for your marriage, you need to think about the future and how it will affect your marriage moving forward. If you have come to a point where you are willing to rebuild trust with your spouse after an affair, then it is clear that things will not be perfect overnight. You may still be struggling with some of the issues that occurred during the infidelity, but they will be getting better with each step that you take toward rebuilding trust in the relationship.